"The most surprising thing about fatherhood was finding my inner mush. Now I want to share it with the world" ~Christopher Meloni
Tuesday, April 2, 2013
Same (You know What) Different Day
For the last couple of months I've rejoiced in the fact that everyone in this house is finally potty trained. But now I'm starting to realize that I'm not as "out of the woods" as I thought. Even Z (4) still has to be monitored depending on what she's throwing down in the bathroom and M (2) most DEFINITELY needs a chaperone just to make sure things don't get away from her.
So no, I don't change diapers anymore but I do have to stop what I'm doing whenever I hear "I have to potty!!!" And it's not like a subtle:
"Oh father, the time has come for me to relieve myself. Will you please accompany me as to ensure the efficiency of my actions."
It's more like being in a firehouse and the alarm goes off and everybody starts to scatter, like:
"Daddy I gotta go and I gotta go now so if you don't get there before I do I can't be held responsible for what might go down....or up!"
Anyway, once everyone is safely in place then I go into "correction officer mode" like we're in Oz (HBO not Judy Garland).
"Be still. Are you finished? Don't get up. Make sure you're done. Okay get up. Use the wipes. Flush. Get your hand outta there! Don't touch anything! Wash your hands. Don't touch anything! Dry your hands." etc.
So the days of dry heaving and nausea are gone and I've traded my rubber gloves for a drill instructor whistle. But I should have known better than to celebrate like it was one more responsibility I could scratch off my list. Instead it evolved like most of them do into a different kind of responsibility.
But that's okay, I can deal with it for now because payback is gonna stink (literally) in about 45-50 years.
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