The Twizzler Loophole

Sometimes when the girls are turned ALL THE WAY UP, they bombard me with questions, comments, complaints, instructions, demands, affection, and anything else that can be verbalized. It feels like someone dunking your head under water and letting you up for air for half a second before dunking you back under.

It's like drowning in little girls' voices and words. For the sake of self preservation I try all kinds of tricks and antics to finagle a moment of peace and quiet. Usually with minimal success.


Zari: Daddy is it almost lunch time?
Me: No it's only 9:30 Zari.
Morgan: Daddy I want to color. Can I color?
Me: Yeah, hold on, let me get the crayons.
Zari: Daddy are you going to give Morgan my crayons or her crayons?
Me: Why would I give her your crayons if she has her own.
Zari: I don't know.
Morgan: I want Zari's crayons.
Me: Too bad.
Zari: Daddy did you say too bad because Morgan is 2?
Me: No.
Morgan: I want to play with my puzzle.
Me: I thought you wanted to color.
Morgan: No I want to play with my puzzle.
Me: Fine.

(Give her the puzzle)

Zari: So you're not gonna give her my crayons?
Me: I never said I was.
Zari: Because she's not bigger than me and those are big girl crayons.
Me: Zari I'm not giving her your crayons. She's playing with her puzzle. Please leave me alone.
Zari: But..but...but...
Morgan: Stop saying "but" Zari.
Zari: No, you don't tell me what to say Morgee.
Morgan: Sowwy.
Zari: It's okay.

Me: Hey! Go sit down and take a talking break, please.
Zari: But daddy...
Morgan: Daddy I need help with my puzzle.
Me: Ask your sister.
Zari: I don't want to help her.
Me: Why not?
Zari: Daddy, you're not supposed to say why not? You're just supposed to say okay.
Morgan: Yeah daddy, you not supposed to say "why not".
Me: Okay, check this out. Whoever can stay quiet the longest gets one of daddy's Twizzlers.
Zari: Quiet?
Me: Yup. If you stay quiet longer than Morgee you can have a Twizzler but if you talk first then she gets the Twizzler.

They both take a moment to make sure they understand the proposition. Daddy NEVER shares his Twizzlers. He must be desperate.

Silence for about 2 minutes. And then...

Zari: Morgee can I have a bite of your Twizzler?


#Grrrr...