Playing Favorites

I've always heard that a parent should never show favoritism toward any of their children.  I can imagine the kinds of emotional baggage a child might start to accumulate if they ever began to feel like one or both parents may "like" their sibling just a little more than them.

With that being said, isn't it almost impossible not to "lean" one way or another even when it comes to your children? If you have more than one child, chances are one of them will share characteristics with you, both physically and otherwise. Is it so wrong if you get a little twinkle in your eye when you realize your oldest child shares your love for reading or when you learn that your middle kid is a neat freak just like you?

But I get it. That "twinkle" is natural and innate but the task is to not be overt about it. You can't come home to a messy child's room and say "look at this mess. Why can't you be more like your brother. You don't see his room in shambles like this." Not a good idea. But let's not pretend you have to be possessed by the devil to kinda, sorta like one kid more than the other....sometimes.

Hey, I love my babies equally with all of my heart but given certain circumstances and environments, would I choose to hang out with one over the other? Absolutely hell yes, one hundred percent, most definitely, for sure, you bet!

Don't hate me, I'm just saying.

When I'm in the mood to just sit down in a quiet room and listen to music peacefully for 30-45 minutes, I know exactly who to invite to sit on my lap and listen with me. But that's not the same kid that gets excited about helping me with yard work. Two different kids, two different personalities that I FAVOR for different reasons.

So favoritism in general, as a one-time broad stroke of a parenting brush = bad. But favoritism as an equal opportunity, right time, right place, certain circumstance kind of concept = good. And as far as I'm concerned this gives them their own time to feel special because they know that they have their "thing" with Dad, whether it's eskimo kisses or making up secret handshakes and they'll always have reasons to feel like my "favorite".

And then they'll grow up, get married and forget all about me....sniff..sniff (I need a tissue).

The Hulk in All of Us

"Leave your sister alone!"

I used to love watching the old Incredible Hulk show with Bill Bixby and Lou Ferigno. But before I got older and able to recognize the symbolism and underlying message about self-control I used to think "why doesn't he just stop getting angry?" As if it were that simple.

Little did I know that I would never really understand David Banner's struggles to contain his anger and other volatile emotions until I became a father.

I don't think I've EVER in my life prior to having children had to literally sit down and catch my breathe without having exerted any physical energy whatsoever. Before becoming a dad I may have said "I've had it up to here" millions of times. But not until recently do I really know what it feels like to have "had it up to here".

It's like you can really feel yourself filling up with something that you know won't be good if/when it spills out. Whether it's frustration or anger or pure exhaustion from the relentless demands of small children it can all become overwhelming in a way that can be scary sometimes.

And I've learned that it all boils down to patience and being aware enough to know when you'd better retreat and find that quiet "place" in your head to keep that tea pot of emotion from boiling over. This becomes even more obvious on the news when someone has hurt their child for one stupid reason or another. Yeah, sometimes they're just evil people but sometimes they are decent people who were just ill-prepared for the rigors of being a responsible parent. Something was lacking whether it's maturity, patience or compassion, etc. all of which are "must-have" qualities when trying to raise children.

So David Banner, I apologize for minimizing your struggle against Hulking out. It takes a strong person to fight back the natural emotions that result from a beating, either physical or emotional whether by the hands of a ruthless gang leader or a ruthless 4 year-old. Kudos to you for always fighting the good fight and keeping your composure when it mattered most. And even for the times when you couldn't keep it together, at least you felt bad about it.

I bet you would have been a great parent.