24

Back in 2007 I self-published a book titled "Simple Complexities". If you missed it, HERE it is. One of the chapters in the book was called "24 Promises" and in it, I made 24 promises to my unborn children about what kind of dad I would be. At the time I was two years away from having my first daughter but I could feel a "little daddy" just waiting to bust out.

Well it's six years, one wife, and two daughters later and I thought I'd revisit "24 Promises" to see if I've been a man of my word.


#1 - I promise to always give you a spanking when you deserve it, and to tell you that "this hurts me more than it hurts you".  I'm 50/50 on this one. But I'd better start practicing that line.

#2 - I promise to make you eat your vegetables ESPECIALLY when you don't want to, because they're good for you. You just don't know it yet. Dinner time is always a battle, usually for this very reason. So, check.

#3 - I promise to protect you with my life because once you're here, my life will mean nothing if I lose you. I had no idea how true this was when I wrote it. Check.

#4 - I promise to hug you when you cry. Little did I know how often this would occur. Check.

#5 - I promise to laugh at your corny jokes. And they are soooooo corny. Check.

#6 - I promise to NOT understand what you like about your favorite music. Thankfully this is not an issue yet. But I am starting to NOT understand my favorite music a little less every time I hear it.

#7 - I promise to nurture a strong relationship between you and your grandparents. This has been a win for everyone involved. Big check.

#8 - I promise to be disappointed when you don't maximize your potential. Not a problem yet and hopefully never will.

#9 -  I promise to celebrate when you succeed. Even when it means singing, cheering and dancing around like a fool. Check.

#10 - I promise to make you laugh when you fail. This is for me as much as it is for them. Check.

#11 - I promise to let you believe in Santa Claus until you figure it out on your own. No threat of that happening anytime soon. Check.

#12 - I promise to teach you that hard work yields the best results. She may not be "getting it" but I'm definitely teaching it. Check.

#13 - I promise to pass on my love for football. I'm passing but she ain't catching. NO check.

#14 - And my love for family. These girls spread more love than a Disney movie. Check.

#15 - I promise to clean up your messes. No matter what it may be, milk, food, paint, clothes, toys, sand, etc. Check, check and more check!

#16 - I promise to teach you how to clean up your own messes. She does what she can. We'll see how she does when she's older and the messes are a little more complicated. Check.

#17 - I promise to let you stay up late when mommy's not looking. No comment.

#18 - I promise to NOT get mad when you tell her I let you stay up late. I still can't believe you did that. NO check!

#19 - I promise to talk to you while you're in mommy's belly. I did it everyday. Check.

#20 - I promise to beat up your uncle when he lets you fall, get scratched, bleed, bump your head, eat too much junk food, taste his beer, watch scary movies or burn yourself. Uncle is safe but I should probably punch myself in the face a couple times.

#21 - To make you feel special every chance I get. Big check.

#22 - (for my daughter) Promise to spoil you rotten to your mother's dismay. You are spoiled rotten but it wasn't me. So no check.

#23 - (For my son) Promise to show you favoritism because you remind me so much of myself. This promise is probably why "baby karma" only gave me daughters.  No check.

#24 - I promise to make promises I can keep, and to keep the promises I make. So far so good. Check.

Mommy's Little Agent

I'm tired of going to the park and spending most of our time there pushing the girls on the swings or spinning them on the spinny thing. The idea is for them to use up all of their energy not mine. So I wised up and started taking them to one of the fields to pay tee-ball, race, run obstacle courses, throw the Frisbee or ball or just blow bubbles in the hot sun.

So that's what we were doing when two scantily clothed young women came onto the field with yoga mats and water bottles. I only mention their lack of clothing because I was so excited repulsed and can only hope my daughters were not negatively influenced.

But I digress


Young Lady: Can we share the field with you

Me: Of course

Young Lady 2: Your daughters are so pretty

Me: Thanks

Zari: Daddy? Where is that girl's shirt?

Me: Ssshh, girl she has on her exercise clothes. Mind your business. Go over there so I can throw the Frisbee to you

(she walks about 20 yards away and turns around. But before I throw, I turn to the yoga-ists)

Me: This won't make you nervous will it? We can move over.

Young Lady: No, no. You guys are fine. You were here first anyway.

(And THEN...at the top of her lungs from 20 yards away...)

Zari: Daddy! I'm readyyyyyy! Stop talking to that girl, she has a friend!

I can't WAIT for Pre-K to start!

#Woo-Saaa

Say What?

 

The other day Z and I were downstairs cleaning up the kitchen when Morgan, who had been banished to her room due to undesirable behavior, started talking to us from upstairs. On most days I have no problems understanding her toddler talk but today wasn't one of those days.

Morgan: Daddy! Whgty dfoilnbm wqqsa!

Me: What?!

Morgan:  Whgty dfoilnbm wqqsa!

Me: Huh?
(I'm confused so I look to the 4 year-old for help).

Me: What'd she say?

Z: Um, let me see. WHAT'D YOU SAY MORGEE?!!

Morgan: Whgty dfoilnbm wqqsa!

Z: Oh. We're cleaning the kitchen and you were being bad.

Morgan: Bgh clqwaz vzz342 tlpaftq.

Z: Okay. Do you feel better now?

Morgan: Qcvploiurtge Fv.

Z: Okay.

Now I'm looking around for hidden cameras or something. Is this like one of those practical jokes the Huxtables used to play on Cliff?

Z: Mommy's working okay?

Morgan: Okay
(I understood that)

Z: Just watch Max and Ruby for a little while.

Morgan: Vlopti xawqsxzmort bwed?

Z: Yes.

Then I heard Morgan walk back to her room. So either I'm getting Punk'd or these girls are some kind of geniuses that created their own sibling language that only they can understand.

Me: What the... what was she saying?

Z: Oh silly daddy.

Me: What?

Z: I have no idea what she said. (continues cleaning like nothing happened).

#WooSaa

Rose

Anybody who is lucky enough to have had relationships with their grandparents know that the love you feel from a grandmother is a special. As a kid I had the privilege of having relationships with all FOUR of my grandmothers (I won't get into semantics).

I'm lucky to be able to say that three of my grandmothers are still "here", even if my relationships with them have changed a little as I've gotten older. But I'm writing this post because a few nights ago I had a dream about the grandmother that I lost.

It was one of those moments when you wake up with a smile on your face because the dream made you happy. You don't remember any of the specifics, maybe it was a pleasant memory or just something conceived completely by your imagination. But you just know it made you happy.

But the longer I layed there thinking about her, my mood started to change because I started to realize that now as an older, more mature man I can look back and recognize everything about her that made her such a great grandmother and beautiful person but it stinks that if I didn't realize it back then, then there's no way I could have expressed it, which would mean she would have no way of knowing how much I appreciated and loved her.

And trust me, you can kiss sleep goodbye whenever you have a late night epiphany that makes you feel like a sh***y person.

As a child you wear your emotions on the outside. So if you love someone or think someone is funny or nice, or smart, they'll know it because you'll tell them or show them somehow. Then when you get a little older it's not cool anymore to put all of your emotional cards on the table like that so you leave them bottled up. Then you get even older and you realize that it is important to express how you feel to your loved ones but your "life" takes up all of your time and you just never get around to it. I think that's where I was in my life when I lost my grandmother. I knew what her significance was to my life and I knew how I felt about her, but I just never got around to telling her.

I know what people will say, "don't be too hard on yourself" or "she knew how you felt", but I'll always ask myself, how would she know if I didn't tell her? I think I should continue to be hard on myself and allow these feelings to sink in so that I don't let this happen again.

I'm sure people told her all the time that she was a good wife, great mother, wonderful grandmother and a beautiful, kind woman with an amazing spirit.

But after everything she did for me as a kid, I just wish I had a chance to be one of those people.

A Hiccup Scenario

So last night somehow I found a quiet corner of the house and tried to catch up on my reading (nothing deep, The Walking Dead Book 4) and as usual, right on cue, here SHE comes with another emergency.

Zari: Daddy!
Me: What?!
Zari: I have the hiccups! What do I do?

(I'm thinking, I have to teach her the difference between an emergency and an annoyance).

Me: Umm, stand on your head.
(She tries to stand on her head. Funniest 2 minutes of my day)

Zari: It didn't work.
Me: Okay, try running around in circles.
(So I'm making stuff up, but she doesn't know that)

Zari: It didn't work but I'm dizzy silly.
(She's the one that just ran around in circles for 5 minutes but I'm silly?)

Me: Okay, let me scare you.
Zari: No.
Me: You have to let me scare you and the hiccups will go away.
Zari: No way Jose.
Me: Your grandma used to do it to me all the time and it worked.
(Lies. But it's amazing what a kid will do if you tell them "grandma used to do it")
Zari: Okay.

(She closes her eyes and I wait ten seconds and yell BOO! And she actually jumps. But...)

Zari: That didn't work daddy.
Me: Well I don't know what to tell you baby. Suck it up.
Zari: But daddy I want the hiccups gone!
Me: Well, you could stop talking. That might make them go away.
Zari: Stop talking? How long?
Me: Until they're gone.

Zari: Um, thanks Daddy.
(walking away)
Me: Where you going?
Zari: Going to ask Mommy how to stop the hiccups.

Grrrrrrrrrr.......

#LOLMoment       #AndStayOut

Daddy's Little Hero

When I was a teenager my dad started telling me that I was his hero. He still says it from time to time now that I'm 27 29 32 35 okay fine, 37. I always thought and still think it's so corny and makes me feel uncomfortable in that "I don't know how to respond to that" kind of way. I mean, how could a 16 year-old kid who hasn't done ANYTHING in his life be someone's hero. Especially his own father.


And then I had kids.

Every thing about my 4 yr old daughter amazes me. Every parent believes that their kid is special, beautiful, smart, creative, etc. and that's our duty and our right. I fill with pride whenever she says something smart or sings a song that she made up all by herself. There are so many things that she does that may seem small in the grand scheme but through my eyes it's like watching Beethoven compose a new symphony or Michael Jackson moonwalk for the first time. I'm amazed. It's like.....

She's my HERO.

That's not to say she can do no wrong but even when she does, she does it well.

Sometimes she'll say or do something and my wife and I will look at each other and ask, "did you teach her that?" Most of the time the answer is a unanimous "no". But I don't even care. It's like watching a magician do the impossible. You know there's a reasonable explanation to how he did it but who wants to spoil the excitement of the illusion? Not me, that's who. 

It's only been four years but I already can't say enough about this kid and how sweet, beautiful, smart, funny, creative, caring, and special she is. But all parents say that, I get it. I've heard plenty of corny clichés from parents about their kids, like "It's like seeing the world in a whole new way...", or "It's like I'm experiencing life through her eyes...", and "she's the best thing I've ever done in my life...", etc. But none of it sounds corny when I say it about my kid. It all sounds true.

So when my dad says we're his heroes now, I get it. We may not have cured cancer or saved a school bus full pf children from driving off a bridge but we have done things to make him proud and I guess for parents even the smallest things shine brightly when your children are involved. Like every time my baby celebrates after throwing her ball into the toy box from across the room. As far as I'm concerned she just hit the game winning shot at the buzzer in the NBA Finals.

I get it now.

(p.s. - imagine how the parents of the person that does cure cancer are going to feel. Wow.)

Fairweather

Morgan got a little rambunctious during lunch the other day so I had to send her to sit in her room...

...alone

...with no television.

Five minutes later as we sat in the kitchen listening to her best impression of someone really crying, Zari jumps up from her seat and her unfinished lunch and says,

Zari: "Daddy I have to go check on my sister"

Me: "No you don't, sit down."

Zari: "But daddy I have to make sure she's okay"

Me: "All you have to do is sit down and finish your lunch."

And as she steadily takes small steps closer and closer towards the doorway,

Zari: "But that's what good big sisters do, they check on their little sisters when they get in trouble."

Me: "Well if you don't sit down and finish your lunch, she's not going to be the only one in trouble"

And just like that, she turned back towards her lunch as if she had no idea what had come over her and said,

Zari: "Well, I think she'll be okay. I don't know why she acted like that daddy."

Lol. #Fairweather